I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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