yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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