im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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