he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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