Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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