did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
