He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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