wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
