3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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