I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
