We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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