she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
