nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just pee around me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
