Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
