it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
