drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
