Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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