i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
