I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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