Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
