I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
