I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
