I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
