Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
