I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
