Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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