Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
