I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
