that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
