Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
