Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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