dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
