Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
