I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
