well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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