my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
