Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
