She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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