I cut my penus on the lid.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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