dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
