I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
