You smell like stripper and shame
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
