Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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