im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
