I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
