i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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