quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
