I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
