Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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