My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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