I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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