I showed him my bush... on skype.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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