dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
