my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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