will power is for people who don't want to get laid
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize