i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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