Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
