please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
