do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
