I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
