its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
