I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
