Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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