It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
