all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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