and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
