he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
